so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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