Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
