The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
