Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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