i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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