it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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