just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
