You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
