Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
