call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
