we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
