Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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