I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
