Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was CRYING into my vagina
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
