I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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