I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize