there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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