he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
two words: eviction party
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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