Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
