I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
