Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
