I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize