Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
