Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
