Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
