I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
