She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
nutella sex= disaster
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
