um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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