Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Someone signed my nipple.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
