I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have feelings that need drinking.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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