She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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