WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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