I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
