You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
