Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
