I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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