Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
