i was born a porn star she said
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize