oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
