O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
