An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
