I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
