So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think people are normalizing furries
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
