ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
