This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I think I just sharted jello shots
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
