she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
