I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
