The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Can I color on your dick again?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
