yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
