it was like eating out sand paper
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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