im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
