Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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