when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
