i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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