I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
