ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
