and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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