I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize