The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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