I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
