The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize