A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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