dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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